My first letter

Go my first letter from hubby today! Well it probably arrived yesterday, but I forgot to check the post box.
Got all excited, but it was only a short letter, just so he could find out how long it took to arrive... But ok he did mention in the letter that he had just spoken to me on the phone, so I'll let him off.
I wrote a letter back today. I'm not very good at being poetic and lovey dovey, and tend to rely on song lyrics to help me. Would you believe though I actually used some lyrics from a song by The Cure!! I know, you'd expect them to a bit depressing, but they weren't, The Cure have actually written some really beautiful songs.

How come kids can scream so loud?

Where does it come from? Such a small person, with a scream that makes your ears bleed! Daughter had a strop on this morning, why.. I have no idea, I obviously said no to something. The screaming got so bad I just broke down and cried. I've not cried like that in ages, the uncontrolable kind, where you can hardly catch your breath. I hate being like that, I need to be strong, because she must be confused that her dads not here and frustrated that she can't ask why. I spoke to another of my 'friends I've made online', he listened to me rant and gave me some good advice, for which I'm grateful.
I wonder sometimes if I'm cut out for being a parent, I wonder if every parent thinks that... even those one's that bore you to death talking about their kids. I wonder if I was really ready for the responsibility. Ok I know I'm in my 30's but I always said I'd never have kids because I'm too selfish. I wonder if hubby talked me into it, and I just went along with it because he really wanted a child. Our little one wasn't entirely planned, I knew that eventually, maybe we'd have a child, but it happened unexpectedly. People always say to me, when I turn into stressed mum, "Oh but I bet you wouldn't change it?"... no actually I would, I'd have given myself another 5 or so years, until hubby was out of the army! I do miss having a life of my own.

Slow week, fast week

Ok, so it started of slow and now we're at Thursday, it's got busy. I completed a story for the weekend and I've got a story to cover this weekend, ready for next weekend (if that makes sense). Tonight hopefully I can relax, my daughters had a bath and after struggling to get her to go to bed, she's there and we'll see how long it lasts.

Got a call from my husband tonight. It's strange how he decided to call tonight, I was just in our bedroom earlier looking at his picture. He's doing well, seems quiet and sounds tired. The Prime Minister paid a surprise visit to their camp today. He kept everyone waiting for a good couple of hours and then didn't even speak to any of the soldiers, just gave them a speech telling them how well the UK were doing in the olympics, and then compared their jobs to being in the olympics!!!! I'm sure the soldiers were really impressed with that comparison, what a complete twat that man is!

Anyway, hubby's been writing me a letter everyday, but I haven't received any of them yet, it can take a good week or so for them to get back to here though. We had the normal catch up about how things are going and what I've been up to. I feel really bad because I go on and on about what I've been doing and he's just got 6 months of hell! But I guess he likes to hear about it, otherwise he wouldn't ask. I hate sounding so enthusiastic and telling him about all the interesting things I've got lined up, but what else could we talk about. Maybe we should just have short chats, making the most of his 30 minutes of phone calls a week, and sharing our love. 30 Minutes of phone calls!!!! I'm sure prisoners must get more than 30mins, it's disgraceful, It's all about the phone company making their money from soldiers who're desperate to talk to loved ones, and it's a scandal really. I could just go on and on, but I'll stop for now, have a cup of tea, a cigarette and gather my thoughts, think about having a shower and whether I'll get to bed before 1am, so I can seriously catch up on some me time!

Hard nights

I've not been able to sleep much recently. Husband is in the army and has gone off to the Middle East, but apart from that, My daughter's restless too and the slightest noise I wake up! I'm still up tonight too, but I'm talking to a friend I've made online, I can't really remember exactly how we met, I think he rated one of my pictures on one of these social websites. Anyway, we've struck up quite a good friendship, for two people who don't know each other and have about a 13 yr age difference. I'm the older one, he's the younger one.
I can't imagine being friends with someone who was born as I was starting high school... but we've really hit it off, we seem to be quite different people, but they say opposites attract. There's some kind of physical attraction there too, obviously because that's how we started talking, through liking each others pictures. We never seem to talk about anything in particular, no pondering the meaning of life or talking politics, but maybe that's why the conversations are so good and I enjoy them so much, because they're just about stuff, whatever is in our heads. I'm wondering how much we really have in common apart from a serious appreciation for how each other looks and a love of talking about nothing, but everything. Ok so there are times late a night when the conversation takes a turn for the more erotic, which can be down to me and my clever use of double entendre! It's an escape, a fantasy, a what if, it makes me feel less lonely.